Phantom Menace

Here’s a brief listing of the edits:
– Nemoidian and Gungan voices are re-vocalized with alien dialect and subtitled.
– Journey to Gungan underwater city removed
– Jar Jar is now a useful character instead of an annoying tag-along
– Nemoidians are much more devious and less cowardly
– Childish Battle Droid dialog removed
– Queen Amidala’s voice is pitch-shifted back to her normal pitch. (Still could not remove her horrible British accent)
– Naboo pilot Ric OliĆ©’s endless plot exposition removed when appropriate
– Midichlorian references removed
– Anakin immaculate conception removed
– All fart and poop jokes removed
– Anakin is edited to be a more deliberate hero instead of an accidental one.
– Removed as many “Yippe!” and “Whoa!” and “Whee!” exclamations as possible.
– Removed the two headed pod race announcer
– Shortened the podrace intro scene and tightened the whole race for more tension
– Removed the entire sequence of trying to capture the Viceroy at the end.

Final run-time? About 92 minutes.
Did this take a bad movie and make it amazing? No, but the film is now more enjoyable to watch without cringing every minute or 2 because of some awkward dialog or scene. Your mileage may vary.

Attack of the Clones

This film had some cool stuff in it, but was horribly mangled by the awful dialog and acting, especially between Padme and Anakin. There was also a lot of extra cheese in this one as well that needed to go. So, Anakin and Padme’s scenes were drastically edited to make Anakin way less whiny and petulant, and most of the cringe-worthy dialog was removed. Jar-Jar’s voice as well as the voice of the Neimodians were either removed or replaced. Several scenes were removed entirely, most notably Anakin’s breakdown in the shop at the Lars homestead after killing the sandpeople, and R2 and C3PO are removed entirely from the ending battle in the droid factory and the arena. There’s about 100 other little edits that tighten things up and helped this fatty lose about 20 minutes of run-time- and frankly I think it’s for the better.

Revenge of the Sith

Here’s some of the major stuff gone:
– Most of the childish dialog from the battle droids on Grevious’ ship at the beginning is out.
– Dooku’s unnecessary flip off the balcony-gone.
– The Nemoidian pilot’s voice was changed and subtitled. He sounded exactly like Grandpa Simpson to me, so he had to go.
– Removed some of Grevious’ over-the-top dialog
– Removed the incredibly awkward balcony scene of Anakin and Padme saying they’re so in love because they’re so beautiful because they’re so in love. Good grief.
– Midichlorian reference is gone
– The Tarzan Wookies are gone- I’m sure that made someone laugh, but not me.
– Nute Gunray’s voice is changed and subtitled
– Sidious’ cork-screw jumping attack is gone, and frankly he’s scarier without it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make the other Jedi with Mace fight any better than they did. They Lightsaber about as good as Stormtroopers shoot.
– Sidious’ horrible delivery of “No-No-No! You will die!” has been edited.
– Obi Wan’s awkward line about Anakin killing younglings is gone. I think it played better knowing that he didn’t have the heart to tell her exactly what he saw because it was too horrible.
– Padme’s embarrassing line about liberty dying to thunderous applause is out.
– Several cheesy lines during Obi Wan and Anakin’s fight are gone.
– Anakin’s Darth Maul eyes are unnecessary and deleted.
– Padme dying because she lost the will to live is dumb and gone. She just dies because Anakin kills her, OK!?!
– Vader screaming “NOOOOOOOOOO!”
– Jar Jar is removed from Padme’s funeral just because.

Shahab Zargari

Shahab is a filmmaker, father and a huge geek.

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