Bill Murray, shocked the country today by announcing that he will be running for President in 2016.
“I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while now, and you know, it just seems right,” Murray said. “I don’t like most of the candidates that are currently running for President. I mean, Bernie Sanders seems like a decent guy, but the rest of em’, are pretty much complete scum in my opinion.” Murray continued, “I’m always traveling around the world, but I’m proud to call America, the good ole’ U.S. of A, my home. I think there’s a lot of great people here, a lot of potential, but there’s also a lot of confusion and hate. People don’t know what to make of these Hitler wanna-be’s like Donald Trump, and the Ted Cruz’s, who want to start World War III. They feed on the hate and paranoia a lot of this country has, and because of that, you see them leading in the polls. And it’s sad that people go along with it, and can’t see it for what it really is. I think the American people are better than that and they deserve better. I just feel if I didn’t step up and at least try and do something, I don’t know if I could sleep at night. Well, I would eventually fall asleep, I’m not an insomniac or anything. But it would keep me up, that’s for sure. Look, I’m no hero, I just want to help out, and I think I can do that by being President.” Murray finished by saying, “So I’m making it official, right here, right now; I Bill Murray am running for President of the United States in 2016.”