In light of a recent rumor about Disney releasing the unaltered versions of Star Wars, there is something you can do right now to make your watching experience a better one…until this rumor becomes truth.
How do you watch Star Wars now?
There are two obvious options for watching the Star Wars saga.
- Release Order – Watch the films in the order they came out.
- Episode Order – Watch the films in the order George Lucas numbered them.
There are critical flaws with both of these orders that prevent either from being appropriate.
The critique and optimum order recommendation are original ideas of Rod Hilton on his Absolutely No Machete Juggling blog. He’s even coined the alternate order the Machete Order. Sweet.
George Lucas believes that Star Wars is the story of Anakin Skywalker, but it is not.
The problem with Episode Order is that it ruins the surprise that Vader is Luke’s father. Enough said. Why would you ruin that reveal? If you think that this doesn’t matter since everyone knows the story, take a look at the faces these kids make and reconsider.
Release Order is also an instant failure, and the reason is a single shot. If you’re watching the original trilogy first, then after the Empire is destroyed and everyone is celebrating, Luke looks over at his mentors, Ben Kenobi and Yoda, and suddenly they are joined by… some random creepy looking teenager who needs a haircut.
How can you ensure that a viewing keeps the Vader reveal a surprise, while introducing young Anakin before the end of Return of the Jedi?
Simple, watch them in the Machete Order: IV, V, II, III, VI.
4, 5, 2, 3, 6 – The prequel backstory comes as a perfectly timed flashback. As soon as Empire Strikes Back ends Han is in carbonite, Vader is Luke’s father, and the Empire has hit the rebellion hard. Delaying the resolution of this cliffhanger makes it all the more satisfying when Return of the Jedi is watched.
What Gets Removed?
Here’s some stuff that you no longer have to see as part of your Star Wars viewing experience, thanks to skipping Episode I.
- Virtually no Jar-Jar. Jar-Jar has about 5 lines in Episode II, and zero in Episode III.
- No midichlorians. There is only one reference to midichlorians after Episode I, and in the context it appears to mean something as benign as “DNA.”
- No confusing/pointless Padme/Queen switcheroo.
- Nothing about trade disputes. The “problem” as of Episode II is that a group of systems want to leave the Republic. This is much easier to understand for a kid than trade disputes.
- No pod racing. Seriously, who gives a shit? An action sequence for the sake of an action sequence and it goes on forever. A huge number of plot holes surrounding gambling and the subsequent freeing of Anakin are removed as well.
- No virgin birth. We simply don’t know or care who Anakin’s father is, and the subtle implication that it’s Palpatine is gone.
Go ahead. Try it out. We did, and it was a blast.
Check out the original (much more detailed) article here.
